November 11, 2019

One year of loving you


Minutes old. There you are! 
 ---

Happy first birthday to my sweet Bernard Elgin!

Words fail me this evening. I am awash with wild waves of emotion as I reflect upon the day you were born. Today, every time I glanced toward a timepiece, be it on my wrist, upon the wall, in the car, my mind would register the time and the corresponding memory would play out in my mind's eye.

At 4:00am, after labouring hard for four hours, a doctor broke my water without asking me first. Mon dieu! Invasive! I was so deep in my work riding the waves of labour I had no voice to oppose. Things really picked up after that. I didn't like labouring in triage so your dad and I walked up and down the gritty stairs. I would stop with each contraction and moan through it as your dad quietly and patiently looked on. At 9:15 on the morning of your birthday, my mother arrived--your dear Granny Kim--and while I couldn't register more than her warm voice in the hubbub of triage, I took great comfort knowing she was there. At 10:00am your Auntie Erin and my midwife/ cheerleader Emily showed up. Again, I felt the circle of strong women widen around me but was unable to utter words beyond "MERCY"! At 11:30am, an earth angel/ labour & delivery nurse named Kristen turned up to say hello to Emily. Praise the moon above for their connection and teamwork. They agreed to ride out the rest of your birth as a team. I was moved from triage to a lovely private room with a shower. You, my little Scorpio water critter appreciated this (as did I) and together we moved you downward, closer to the light. By three I was 9.5cm dilated and Emily called for the warming table. By this point I was coherent enough to know we were close. Wrong! You took many more hours untangling yourself from the cord. I was so frustrated to be hung up for four more hours with only half a measly centimetre to go, but alas, as Emily put it then: You must cross this bridge alone as we cheer for you from both ends. And so, I hauled myself out of a dark place and crossed that bridge with determination.

At 7:11pm you slid out after six or seven incredible attempts to push you out. That work is not for the faint of heart! I was sure my head would fly off before I had the chance of admiring you all fresh and new. Thankfully, we both lived to shore up against each other, awash in relief. Home at last.

How easily you have carved out a spot for yourself in this family of ours in the course of one year. Your dad and I would be lost without your cheeky play, curious little spirit and hearty appetite for life. Benny boy, straight from the stars you are! One whole year of loving you kid.

Cheers to a hundred more!

Love, mum (and dad)

First new morning, happy as a lark in your dad's loving arms.
Tiny little bird with big mitts.
Birth of a proud mother.
Lovely little creature.
Home at last.

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